"Ode" To My Family Sunday, October 18, 2009

Just wondering how someone can so easily disappear, completely vanishing into the absurd motionless steam of a computerized world.
Her e-mail is still waiting for my answer. What should I say?
I only ask myself why I have been so blind for such a long time. Always craving for her love, me, the little cousin from abroad.
No contacts for such a long time and yesterday that long and painful phone call.
Why did you choose my birthday to cut me with your knife of mistrust and suspicion?
I have my faults, I don't deny that. But it's not me that you should blame for the distance that keeps growing in our family. I just did not want to be judged or criticized again.
But you just don't listen.

I am tired of suffering for you all. I can't repair the damage anymore. Grandma and grandpa are not here now, to tell us how they love us. To keep us together.
I should start to handle with this.
And more than a thousand miles between us are not the real problem, even if sometimes it really is.
I am tired of speaking in a different language. And I'm not just talking about our local idioms.
You just can't understand me. I guess you never did.

You don't even imagine how deep I have become, and not for choice.
And how I long for a big strong family tree.
You should have known, if only you had read my voice.


Venice - The Family Tree [Lyrics]
(Live at the Royal Carré theatre in Amsterdam)